there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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