A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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