just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
