never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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