we're blogging at a bar
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize