I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
