I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
