White coat. Heels.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
