Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
