dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
