i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize