a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
