They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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