I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
