Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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