i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
