hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
