I can't watch pbs sober anymore
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
