I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
