I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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