hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
