Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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