I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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