She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
