So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
