I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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