I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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