So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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