dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
