Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Vodka?
Forever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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