We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
