Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
