He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize