I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
