It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
