Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
