Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
