You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
