I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
