She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
