Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
