i already hear my dad disowning me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize