Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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