i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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