dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
