No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
