Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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