my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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