Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
