I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
