I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
