Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
