i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
