I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
