i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
