I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
