is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
