apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
