Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
