its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
