maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
