All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
