You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize