if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
