my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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