Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
