No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
