It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
