You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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