the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
