I met the friendliest cop last night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
please don't ironically join a cult
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