..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
