I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
