K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
