it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Even my vagina gasped.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
