your parents love me but you hate me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
