I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to have your abortion
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
