k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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