I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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