The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
