Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
