well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
