My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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