i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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