Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
