Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
