WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize