Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Alive.
So much puke
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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