And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
