So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
