So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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