why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
