We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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