I'm so fucking centered right now
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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