She is in my trunk
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
