I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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