my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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