are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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