My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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