Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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