I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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