I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
