my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
